“When we lose our words, we lose our way — but when we listen, we find each other again.” – Danny Glover
Featured Image: Upsplash.com unsplash free pictures the ruins of ancient stonework tower – Search
Not all that long ago, I realized something simple but profound: communication skills have always been the most powerful tool human beings possess.
We often think of communication skills as just talking, but history — and even ancient stories — show us how deeply it shapes our lives.
One of those old stories tells of the people of Babylon who set out to build a tower reaching all the way to heaven. The work was going well until, suddenly, everyone began speaking different languages. Up to that point, the story says, the whole world shared one language. Once that common understanding disappeared, the workers couldn’t communicate, the project collapsed, and the tower was never finished.
It gives new meaning to the idea of winning a war without firing a single shot.
But that’s an ancient tale. What about us today?
We can’t even cross our own borders without struggling to make ourselves understood. In my case, I don’t even need to leave the country — we have eleven official languages here, and I only speak two. It makes you think: without communication, what do we really have?
Where Communication Skills Matters Most
The place where communication — or the lack of it — impacts us most is in our relationships. Our spouses, children, parents, friends, and the people who share our daily lives.
Looking back over my own life, and being honest with myself, I can see how often I failed to communicate meaningfully, even though I always thought of myself as a “good communicator”. Education, upbringing, personality — none of these guarantee connection.
And then I discovered something else: communication isn’t only about speaking. It’s also about hearing — and even more importantly, listening. Hearing happens automatically. Listening is a choice.
Communication Skills Where Speaking Builds Connection
When I talk about “speaking”, I don’t mean giving opinions or instructions. I mean speaking that enquires, encourages, and expresses what’s true in the moment. This is connection.
Enquiry says: I’m interested in what’s on your mind — your dreams, hopes, and even your fears.
Encouragement says: You can achieve because you’re capable. You’re worthy of success. As you dream and hope, you draw good things toward you.
Feelings in the moment say: You matter to me. You’re a gift in my life. You help make me whole.
And fear? Fear is just a shadow of what we think we see — and shadows always fade when the light comes.
Why I Don’t Give Advice Anymore
One last thing I’ve learned: I never give advice. Even when someone asks for it.
Instead, I ask questions. I listen. I offer a hug. And when I can, I pray for the person who’s struggling. I’ve found these simple actions bring far better results than any advice I could give.
To me, that is communication in its truest form — not telling, but connecting. Not fixing, but being present. Not speaking over someone, but speaking with them.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s how we build the towers that matter.
How to Improve Your Communication Skills
So the next time you speak to your spouse, children, parents, friends, and the people who share your daily lives, try enquiring, encouraging, and keeping your feelings in the moment you are conversing with them. I often wonder if we were taught the art of authentic conversation in our education curriculum, there would be a sizeable decrease in the divorce rate. Our children would not be vulnerable to drug taking. Your aging parents would not feel ignored.
Not giving advice is my stuff – not necessarily yours. Of course, there are times when you will want to give advice, and that is fine. It’s just that I have a different preference, as I mentioned above.
I hope you enjoy the read; more than this, you can apply the message to your life. If it has benefited you, share it with one other person. If you have a comment, please let me know via the contact page.
I look forward to connecting with you next month.
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